And in Berlin you feel more accepted?

Berlin seemed like a better place for me, but for the past few years not anymore. I think that it has worsened in every way. Also I have to admit, the situation has become more tense since the immigration of refugees. Nothing against war refugees, but it has come to the point where I feel unsafe.

I live in Prenzlauer Berg and first I was amazed. It's relatively safe there, but after a certain hour I don't dare leaving the house. You hear about so many bad things happening in Berlin.

West Germany was more familiar to me than East Germany. Since my mom is German, I've spent much time with my grandparents, who live close to Hamburg, whereas I only spent a short period of time in East Germany. But I only spoke German with my grandparents when I worked as an Au Pair or visited my German friends. In 1995 I worked for a construction company for three months, where I had to take care of translations.

Berlin was a cultural shock for me, the differences between west and east were huge. I haven’t been able to settle in properly, and I feel that I'm not really cared for and accepted.

That’s why I have problems finding a job nowadays, I'm unemployed for three years now.

During the pandemic I suffered a lot and worked only short time jobs for a while.

I had a breakdown when I started to work full time again and had surgery as well. I lost my job, because I wasn’t feeling well. It was like a downward spiral for me, which I couldn’t escape from. I've been mentaly and physically drained for three years now.

Soon I'll start a work related rehabilitation, which will hopefully help me to find a job. This will be my last chance, since I'm not that young anymore.

In my most recent job I worked for a small company and translated in German, Italian and English. I liked that, it wasn't so technical and offered a lot of variety.

Are you in a community in Berlin?

I've got some acquaintances, but no actual friend group and I'm also not part of a community or social circle. In England I had been living in the countryside, so Berlin turned out to be a culture shock. Getting along with people inside and outside of work was far easier for me than in Germany and I had an active friend group as well.

What do you miss the most about Italy?

Shellfood and fish from the Mediterranean, those are hard to find here or simply unacceptable. The weather occasionally. Since in summertime South Italy gets pretty dry and rather hot these days, I don't really miss it to be honest. But my heart longs for the ocean, I've spent nearly my whole childhood at the beach - so it's a part of me. My boyfriend loves the Baltic Sea, but we regret going there every time we do.

Most of all I miss my friends. It's hard finding new friends when you're older. There are some friends left from my youth, these friendships last a whole lifetime, even though I only see them once in a few years.

The people I've met here are really just volatile acquaintances. Well, I got in touch with a group of Italians, but they are all quite younger than me and I'm not really interested in their free time activities.

What makes you feel good about yourself in Berlin?

I feel cosy in my little crib and almost live like a student with all my old furniture. My neighboorhood is a source of comfort as well. There are some small cafes and shops I adore and strolling through 'my hood' is one of my favorite things to do.

What does 'home' mean to you?

For me home means family and friends. I didn't start a family on my own, but for ten years now I'm in a relationship with a divorced man, who's got his own children. My boyfriend, my own living space and a few aquaintances - these thing are blessing me with a sense of security.

My parents are both deceased, my sister is also living in Germany, but we aren't really on speaking terms. My true family is located in Napoli, but visiting them is a rare gift due to my limited financial funds. Last time I went there was four years ago.

My friends from Italy try to lift me up of course, when I feel down and depressed.

So that's everything left for me and that's what I try to hold on to.

Do you feel like being part of the society in Germany?

No, I feel completely out of place. My work related experiences here weren't very pleasant to be honest. In England I didn't ran into so many difficulties when I applied for a job, because qualifications aren't considered as obligatory as in Germany.

I got the impression that everything is made more difficult for migrants in Germany. Even when you have mastered the German language, there are so many obsticles! That's why I've since lost hope that I will ever feel whole in this country.

Going back to England or Italy is non negotianable, especially since I'm in a committed relationship and don't want to end it. We intend to keep on living together. It kind of depends on the latest developments as well, if I get a job or not.

What would you consider 'typically german'?

There are a lot of things that I would call typical for Germany, bockwurst with beer for instance, or currywurst, but that's not for me.

I've always had a connection with Germany, except for the east side of the country. That was completely new terrain for me. People there are crude, if I'm allowed to say that, with a loud mouth and quite rude. But I don't want to generalise too much. I also know some very lovely people, but I tend to stay reserved, because I like to speak my mind and sometimes that rubs people the wrong way.

I'm not involved in politics and don't want to talk about it. The world would be a better place, if

there weren't any wars, no inflation and if people would engage with each other more kindly.

What does 'happiness' mean to you?

For me happiness is staying at the ocean, being at peace with myself and feeling satisfied. My motto of life would be: Live at let live.

What did you dream of when you were a child?

The only thing I liked to do when I was little was dancing! I wanted to become a Ballerina. When I was twelve years old I entered a dancing acadamy; and that's when my dreams were crushed.

I've been dancing in clubs with passion for all my life and joined dancing courses as well, but I think I've damaged my knees and my back in that process. So for the past ten years I haven't danced anymore.

Which of your dreams did actually come true?

The only wish which came true was leaving Italy. I would have never guessed that I would leave Italy so very late in my life, since I was already thirty-two years old. I wanted to get out, I felt smothered. Life down there isn't easy: It's super chaotic, with lots of crime and so on. I never liked that.

I love my heritage, my heart goes out to my hometown, but living there is a totally different story.

What's so special about Napoli?

The warm-hearted nature of its residents and their hospitality. The food! The city is simply beautiful, but everything is really unorganized and full of struggle, the bureaucracy in particular. But in Germany you have to deal with the same difficulties...

Are there any dreams left you want to realize?

I would love to leave Germany, but it's not possible. My boyfriend doesn't seem to want to leave Germany. He's got three children here. I've expressed my wish to emigrate so many times already, but he replied: 'Where do you want to live? Nowhere in the world you'll find total security!'

I keep trying again and again, because I don't think I'll ever find my place here. For years now I am unhappy.

I would prefer working in an international environment, that's where I feel at ease.

I long for change in Berlin and I wish for an improvement in human interactions.